just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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