I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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