so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize