i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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