Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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