end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
it's like heaven, but drunker
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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