Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
