im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
