It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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