I wish I could teleport
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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