we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
