He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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