so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
