wat bout pragnant strippers??
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The best revenge is premature balding
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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