I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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