No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
