meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
