My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
