I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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