Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
