The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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