I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
