and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
