i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize