Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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