where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
