You really coming over, don't trick.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
