Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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