I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
