she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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