i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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