i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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