Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
