I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
