i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
