If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
