you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
