Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Randomize
