at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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