At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You did what with his pubic hair?
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