Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
