so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
