just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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