I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
