i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
