Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
North Korea, Best Korea!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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