The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
