ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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