Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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