Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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