i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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