I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
