Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
