haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
