Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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