i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
