just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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