I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
