She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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